she is here to pump [CLAP] YOU up..

I would like to introduce to you a woman I met last night.



Since I haven't done a paint rendering in a while, I thought I would. Her real name is Jodie, but I now refer to her as Hellga. She teaches kick boxing at the Y on the Islands. When she isn't doing that, she enjoys playing the role of Hellga, a gladiator on American Gladiators. Her hobbies include swinging cats around by their tails and making her glass shard smoothies. The sun sets because she stares it down.

I went last night to kick boxing because I loved doing Tae-bo during it's peak of popularity. I was looking for a new class because my Zumba class has been packed out to the point of unenjoyment. So I chose to go to kick boxing with Hellga. Bad idea.

I walk into kick boxing and see this crazy woman standing up at the front of the room. She was like bouncing around, yelling. Now, energy is important. But...this woman had been leading classes since 5:30 and it was 6:30. She had already led body sculpting and "amazing abs." Then she was stading in front jumping around and yelling like someone just gave her a shot of epi. The Yankee and I stare at each other, both thinking, "What have we done. If we run, she will chase us...," feeling much like most contestants on American Gladiators.

We started out and I was hurting before the "warm up" song was over. I have never sweated so hard in my life. Muscles hurt on me that I don't even know how to target to rub. After the class was over last night, she came outside the class and said, "Well, I hope I didn't go too slow for you all." The Yankee was passed out on the floor. I was leaning on the wall, lacking the strength to stand on my own. We all summoned what energy we had left to force a weak laugh from our throats. It sounded more like a cough.

Last night, The Husband had to drag me up the stairs by my hands while my legs flapped on each stair in order to get me in the apartment.

I just have this to say to you, Hellga. I hurt. I cry. But I am not a quitter.