well, it's about time.

I realize that it has been quite a while since I have posted something to the musings section of my blog. This has not been because I haven't been musing, but because there has been so much else going on in my life that I haven't had time to really put together a good post. For those who don't know, my parents separated about a month (give or take) after our wedding. If you are reading this for the first time and are thinking, "WHAT? WHY didn't she tell me?" it's because there's just hardly a good time for that kind of news. I always feel like the conversation is going to go like this:

Me: Hey! It's good to hear from you? How are you doing?
You: I'm good, I'm good. Went ______ the other day, had a really great time. So life is good! How are you??
Me: Well, I've been better. My parents just separated.
You: Oh...

I just feel like regardless of when or how I tell people, it's going to be awkward. So I've just avoided it. But I don't mind talking about it, so if you have questions, just ask.

But this post is about something I have been thinking about for a long time now. Years, in fact. I was talking to The Twin about this last night. Here it is:

I think that non-Christians are more honest than Christians.

Now, maybe I should say that non-Christians are more honest than Southern Baptists, since when I say Christians, that's mainly been my experience. However, I still have been pondering this for a while. This thought has been thrust to the forefront of my mind lately in dealing with my parents' separation.

I told The Twin last night...when bad things happen around non-Christians, from my observations, they tend to acknowledge the situation for what it is. They aren't afraid to "feel their feelings", as I like to call it. If they're angry, then they are. If they're happy, then they are. If someone has been mean, then they are not afraid to tell it like it is...mean people are jerks.

When bad things happen around Christians, I feel like they do damage control. For example, if someone gets separated from their husband, the non-Christian would sit around and play Independence Day by Martina McBride, eat ice cream and just laugh/cry as the emotion in the situation changed. A Christian would respond by immediately trying to get the two back together, regardless of what that takes and regardless of the issues that are within the marriage. Sometimes there is a need for a break. That's okay. I think that's what the world sees and wants. They don't want someone to come in and say, "Here's the answer and we need to be working toward that as hard as we can." There needs to be time for rest. I think they want someone to sit beside them for a period of time with a carton of Ben & Jerry's and say, "This REALLY sucks..." and mean it.

And there may be a deeper issue at stake here. I don't know if Christians think, "If there is failure, then that means that God isn't in control." Failure isn't in "God's will". The words "failure" and "in control" are so subjective. I was telling the Twin last night, the only thing I know about God's will is that he strongly desires a personal relationship with each and every person. That is abundantly clear through the merciful and loving sacrifice of Jesus. However, the manifestations of the relationship are very different for each person. You cannot say that just because someone teaches Sunday School and is on 3 committees within the church and they are a Deacon, that they are in a good place personally with God. And isn't that all that matters? Where they are personally? Are they having an affair? Are they abusive to their children? All that matters is what is in the heart.

...He [Christ] will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears..." - Isaiah 11:3b

I think however, that there is a school of thought that says if you ARE a Christian, then you will act this way, dress this way...and that is simply not true. The subsequent judgement from "Christians" is ridiculous. But, I wonder if the clenched fist that surrounds this check list is somehow related to their perception of God. If God is in control and people are living in "His will", then everything will be in line. If everything is in line, then it will look this way or that way. If pastors' wives leave their husbands because their pastor husbands are being emotionally and verbally abusive to their family, then what does that do to their perception of God? Instead of working to truly allow the family to heal, they do damage control. They cannot look into the face of a God who would allow a Pastor's family to undergo such pain. The problem is that we live in a world of pain. It comes to each of us in different ways. As Christians, we are not exempt from this. The only thing we are guaranteed is that God is in control and with us, regardless of the situation. I'm not quite sure where Christians get the idea that nothing bad is going to happen to them, or should happen to them, but it is not Biblically supported.

When these bad things happen, we need to respond in love and deep concern for the well being of the person in the situation. Sometimes, this is very grey. I like to say it allows God to be God. After all, he is all powerful. I feel like Christians lose focus of that and force God to be in their image, many times. When things go outside of that image, then they do all they can to fit it back into something they can believe in because it makes sense. Well, there's LOTS to God that doesn't make sense. But that's not bad, it's awesome. And that doesn't make for a weaker "case."

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. - Galations 6:2

Basically, what I'm saying is, someone needs to buy me ice cream. Thanks. :)